The light is soft, it’s created a kind of glow over everything that you seem to notice only on holidays. The hours between afternoon and evening are the most gentle, the most peaceful, when there is a sense of calm after a full day combined with a steady excitement for the time that stretches before you, like the endless stroll along the beach.
The day was spent with sand between your toes and a sheen on your skin that was a mix of sweat, suncream and salt water. You’ve showered, but you can still feel the beach on your arms and the pink tinge has remained on your face. It doesn’t look like burn though, it looks like life, like you’ve been kissed by the day. There are some new freckles, spots of experience on your skin that appear and disappear with the seasons as though to mark the passing of time, the changes in yourself. Your hair is still damp, falling down your back and creating cooler air for you to breathe, your jewellery is glinting in the golden glow and you begin the routine of the evening, the simple pleasures that make time feel abundantly special and explicitly plain all at once.
On the balcony they’re waiting, head in a book, rosé open and a glass waiting for you. A bag of crisps from a European brand you haven’t heard of but grabbed at the little shop on the way home has been part consumed and a bowl of pistachios sits with the cracked shells mixed up amongst the soft green saltiness. Sit down, book closes, eyes up, smile, sip, happy. So happy. You think it’s funny, the amount of time you can spend with a person and still have things to say, how you can live through the same day and still have things to share about it, thoughts you kept to yourself that now slip out as you work your way through the bottle. Dry and crisp and clear, as your mind slowly becomes less so and the sound of laughter fills the air. Your eyes take on that familiar sparkle, it’s the flirting, the cheekiness of the unknown evening.
Outside there’s a soft breeze, a chill but the heat of the day still lingers in the air so you’re not cold, maybe that’s the wine though. You walk down the cobbled sandy street, hand in hand, arms swinging like they’re wings, like you’re trying to take off. You feel light enough to take off. You stop at the restaurant, one you ate at two nights ago, or was it three? The softness of the days mean they blurr together in the warmest of ways. Same table, same waiter, same menu, same wine. You pick up the glass by the stem, eye the menu, you don’t know what to have but it doesn’t matter, in this mood it seems impossible for anything not to taste like heaven. Olives stuffed with secrets arrive, bread that you can hear as much as you can taste when you bite it. The evening goes on and the sun sets, creating a brief dusk over the sea before it says goodbye.
It’s colder as you leave so you take their jacket off the back of their chair without asking but they don’t say anything, the don’t mind, they never do. The walk back is slower, arm in arm with steps that are more gentle, attempting to let the night linger for as long as possible, to try and pause the moment, to hold off on sleep. The sun and the wine amplify your exhaustion but it’s ok, you don’t mind the feeling of it in your bones when there is nothing else to do. It’s dark now, a quick look at the stars before you duck into your summer cave.
The day is done, but tomorrow will be exactly the same, how lovely.
Some days I feel settled into this new normal and on others I’m having lunch at 4pm and drinking quite a lot of gin. So, regardless of what kind of day I’m having, I’ve been trying to think about all the things I’m looking forward to and what I want to do when this is all over and I thought I’d share my list. Some of it’s mundane and some of it’s a bit more specific. I hope it makes you smile regardless.
So, when this is over I will
Have a bloody big party, a full on weekend long shabang
Finally swim in The Ponds on Hampstead Heath
Get Frozen Yoghurt from the Soho Snog after 9pm, it’s scientifically proven to taste better after this time I don’t know why
Meet someone at the St Pancras Champagne Bar
Be better at supporting local businesses
Sit in a coffee shop for at least 5 hours and just people watch
Go to the beach
Consume an entire jug of Pimms to myself
Go strawberry picking for strawberries to use in said jug of Pimms
Spend a day exploring in London without getting the bus or tube
Go Out Out and really dance
Have brunch at Granary Square and then play in the fountains
Go to a National Trust property every weekend for a month
Shop, sensibly, but definitely shop
Go camping with friends in Cornwall
Eat a lot of sushi
Go to a gig every night for a week
Continue to bake obscene amounts of banana bread
Smile at everyone I see at the gym, even if it’s mildly creepy
Go punting and actually do the punting bit myself
Always have flowers in the house
Buy more plants generally and keep them alive
Go to the supermarket just to buy one thing, or even just walk around
Enjoy being stuck in traffic or on delayed trains…maybe enjoy is a strong word but I’ll stress less
Dress up for no reason
Never again say ‘If only I had more time’, I currently have all the time and if anything am less productive
Spend an entire afternoon in the park
Get whatever I want at Pret and not worry about the price
Tell me what you want to do, tell me what you miss, get in touch I want to hear it all.
And just like that, I’m home and everything has changed so quickly. So quickly that even this paragraph I wrote 10 days ago is almost irrelevant but I thought I’d share in anyway.
‘It’s a strange time, there are moments where I forget that it’s real life. Grounded flights, countries on lockdown and barren supermarkets feels more like something out of a dystopian disaster film than a week in 2020. But that is what’s happening. It’s all anyone is talking about and it’s taken over a lot of people’s thoughts. I think partially because it’s a situation so out of anyone’s control, people like to be able to plan and control situations as much as possible but in this instance it’s impossible. I’ve been trying to plan my travels over the past week which has proved slightly difficult, the unknown creates a hesitancy to plan anything more than a few days in advance. My brother has just had to cancel his trip of a lifetime to India and another friend had to decide to postpone 5 months in South America the day before she was meant to fly. Obviously the virus is having a far worse effect on the health and livelihoods of others, it’s just the scale of the impact I can’t get over. Suddenly I’m wondering whether and when I’ll be able to get home and if I should be putting any kind of plan in place.’
Five days and much deliberating after that, I booked a flight home. A hard decision but the developments in the past week have reassured me it was the right one. If I’d stayed in Australia I wouldn’t have been able to travel, would’ve lost my job and just been stuck there, paying rent, on lockdown and on the other side of the world to the people I cared about. I was lucky, over the last couple of days it’s become pretty much impossible to leave Aus and all non-essential businesses have closed.
Being back feels strange, it’s like I never left, the past 10 weeks past are a hazy dream with golden edges. It’s been very different to the homecoming I’d imagined, there hasn’t been any excitement or big reunions with friends, no one is interested in hearing about my trip when there are so many more important things on people’s minds. I’m frustrated at myself, part of me feels I wasted the time. I went all that way and didn’t make it outside of Sydney, I didn’t see the best parts of the country or experience the any of the incredible scenery. But I’m just trying to remind myself that that’s ok and actually focus on what I did do rather than what I didn’t. I ate, drank and sunbathed my way around the city and felt what it’s like to live there, a luxury I shouldn’t take for granted. I met some wonderful people and I’ve been thinking that even if those friendships are the only thing to have come out of the past 10 weeks, then they were still definitely absolutely worth it.
There will probably be a final Australia post once the initial shock of this has all passed, there are photos and stories I still want to share but I’m not sure now is the right time. I hope you’re ok, that staying in isn’t driving you completely mad and the disruption to life isn’t too much, remember it’ll pass. Stay safe, stay inside and stay in touch x
A month in Australia and I’ve moved into my new place, the location is great, the number of cockroaches who also seemed to have moved in is less great but it’s all part of the experience. I’ve made a bit more of a plan for the next few months which is exciting, Sydney is brilliant but I’m aware there is a whole country to see which I’m looking forward to. In the meantime, I need to earn some money to be able to afford all the travelling I want to do so the job hunt continues, with more urgency everyday.
Being unemployed means lots of time for people watching which I’m enjoying, I’ve noticed there is always lots to take in when you’re in a new place but I think that perhaps the longer you spend somewhere, the more you notice it all. When you’re just visiting, you tend to rush through the days, trying to see everything and fit it all in. But when it’s more permanent and you have the luxury of empty days there is more time to observe the routines and the movements of a place. That being said, I thought I’d share a few things I’ve noticed since being out here, a few things about the movements of the city.
There is more small talk and fleeting connections. When people in coffee shops or supermarkets are asked how their day is going it’s met with a smile and a conversation instead of that subconscious british hostility we’re so used to.
They toast their banana bread which makes a simple but life-changing difference. This is the only place I’ve been where I feel like my love for banana bread is matched.
Bus drivers wait for people, if they see you running they won’t close the doors seconds before you reach them, they’ll hold on a minute. Generally everyone can hold on a minute, the sense of urgency that exists amongst us at home seems more rare here.
Early starts and early finishes. I saw a sign in a gym window inviting people to join a running group that meets at 4.40am. On Saturdays. The days end much earlier too with people eating out at 6 and heading home rather than experiencing the long summer evenings.
Coffees are tiny, it seems like caffeine is there to serve a purpose rather than be enjoyed. They have keep cups the size of espressos and most lattes you can see off in two sips.
The more cockroaches you see, the less fazed you are by them. Slightly concerning because I definitely don’t want to get used to sharing my kitchen with the uninvited guests but on day one I was squirming at the sight and now I’m batting them away like flies.
So a month of not working has been great, it’s been incredible to enjoy the city, but I’m ready for a job now, for more routine and structure and something to fill the days. So if someone could hire me now that’d be great. Please.
Today, by complete accident, I found myself at the beach where my family celebrated New Years Eve back in 2006. It’s funny how these things happen. How you can stumble back to a place or a person from a different time and it seems like a whole life ago. I guess in this case it kind of was, a lot has changed since 2006, expectedly so. It would not be good if I still looked like I did in 2006.
I had the day completely to myself and it was brilliant. It made me think back to two years ago when I was in Cambodia on my own. I found it hard, I’m a sociable person and as much as I could chat to people, I found the fleeting connections frustrating and struggled to be in my own head so much. Today I didn’t have that problem. I read, swam, listened to podcasts, sunbathed, had lunch and did it all as and when I wanted. It sounds silly but when I realised I was so happy and content in my own company, I felt so aware of how far I’ve come and such a sense of self-assurance. Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t come to Australia and decided I don’t need to see anyone else, I’ve met some great people and started some friendships but sometimes it’s nice to have a day of complete self indulgence.
Back home, two of my friends have just got new jobs, another is moving into her new flat, one has just finished their dissertation and another has just booked a ticket to South America and it got me thinking about the differences in lives at this age. I’ve found there’s no competition, no comparison, just support, happiness and encouragement. Everyone is just working out their own life in their own time and I’m so pleased we’re at this point. There’s so many options and none of them are right or wrong, it’s a time to do whatever you want without justification or explanation. It’s exciting and something that I found overwhelming a few years ago, like too much time on my own.
Ok, enough with all the cheesy sentimental stuff. Enjoy a few photos from the past week instead.
One final thing I will say about being on your own though is that there’s no one to watch out for sunburn so I’m now the colour of a well cooked lobster. A gentle reminder that we all need other people or a harsh reminder of my own stupidity? You decide.
Day 3 in Australia and this morning I went for coffee with a boy who didn’t have shoes on. He picked me up, drove to town, parked, walked to the cafe, bought our coffees, and it wasn’t until we sat down that I noticed he was barefoot and I thought yeah, I’m definitely in Australia now.
It’s been a long time coming so it feels strange to actually be here, to feel like I’ve been here for a while and to be settling into a routine.
It’s rained all day in Sydney. The heavy hot kind that you don’t mind feeling on your skin and letting it soak you to the bone. It feels cleansing, like it’s washing away the dust and flooding out the city so it’s ready for new things. It’s not like English rain, you don’t want to hide from it, you want to live in it, to experience it. And I feel ready to experience it.
Boarding the plane on Monday I wasn’t sure that I was. It was harder than expected to leave London behind, to leave the laughter and the happiness and the people for the unknown. I was surprised that for potentially the first time in my life, I didn’t want to rush on to the next thing, there was no burning desire to leave my world behind. I know that’s a good thing but it definitely made it harder to leave and made me doubt what I was doing. Why would you choose to leave guaranteed happiness for the unknown? But to think like that means there would never be new adventure or people or places and now that I’m here, I know that actually leaving was the hardest part.
The joy of the past few months means there’s no pressure on this trip anymore. It doesn’t need to be life changing or help me decide who I want to be or fulfil anything that was missing, that all happened before I left the country. I know that dancing around a kitchen in London can be just as good as lying on a beach in Sydney, maybe even better. Thinking about it now, you’ve got to find your happiness in the small stuff, in the day to day, the coffee and the dinners with friends and the dog walks. If it only came from trips to the other side of the world you’d so rarely experience it.
Ultimately, I feel so lucky to have people to miss, to have a life to miss and something to look forward to going back to, whenever that may be. In the meantime, I’ll be here, experiencing it all, throwing myself in, taking each day as it comes, eating a lot of brunch and working on my tan. Maybe I’ll even stop wearing shoes.
Ah Bali. The land of endless smoothie bowls, extreme traffic and a surprising number of Australians. I can’t believe its been over 2 weeks since I got back from Indonesia, my tan is already fading and I’ve just about gotten back into the routine of home life but I still wanted to write a bit about the trip. We spent 8 days in Java, 16 in Bali and 5 in Lombok. Each island was amazing and it may be because we were there for the longest but its Bali I have the most to say about.
I know Bali is having a bit of a ‘moment’ right now. It’s all over people’s social media (mine included), Brits are taking the long-haul flight for a relatively short stay and on multiple occasions when I told people I was going they said ‘me too’. That being said, it was different to what I was expecting. Perhaps the attention it’s getting and some of the incredible photos I’d seen didn’t provide an accurate portrayal of the island or, I’d forgotten the difference money makes to a holiday. Either way, I felt some parts of the island were (and I don’t want to say overrated because that makes it sound too negative) not what I thought they’d be. It was busy and far more western than I was prepared for, the abundance of brunch places is ridiculous and I hadn’t realised that, unlike other destinations in Asia where you only see other travellers, there would be so many families. That being said, I thought I’d share some of the things we got up to and a few recommendations. There is plenty of information out there online but I think it would’ve been helpful to hear more of a first hand realistic account before we went, hence this post. If you have no interest in what I got up to (which is completely fair enough) I finish with a few more general thoughts on travel so skip away to the end. Also be warned there are lots of photos.
We arrived in Bali a couple of days ahead of schedule and, on the recommendation of someone we’d met in Java, decided to start off in Munduk. Starting there meant we weren’t quite prepared for the busyness of the rest of the island, the quiet northern village still feels very local and had very few other tourists. We stayed in a family run hotel called Swar Bali Lodge which was really nice, the brothers working there were so helpful, happy to give us lifts on the back of their motorbikes and recommend places to visit.
That being said, there isn’t loads to do in Munduk but there is a beautiful waterfall hike. The 5k route starts at Red Coral (Munduk) waterfall and didn’t take long. The three waterfalls en route were incredible, even more so because there were so few other people there. We also visited the Munduk Moding coffee plantation where we were talked through the process and got to try some of the coffee grown on site (for free which was a bonus).
Arriving in Canggu was very different. We were immediately aware of the number of tourists in the area. We had 4 days there which we essentially spent sunbathing and eating, some stand out spots being Crate cafe, Bali bowls and Quince. However, food prices were definitely much higher than what you might expect travelling, closer to a good value meal in the UK. The town is definitely an ideal spot for surfers but unfortunately and unsurprisingly, I don’t surf, so worth bearing in mind the beach is very windy with huge waves that can knock you right out. We did venture outside of Canggu one day to visit the Tanah Lot sea temple which was nice but there were bus loads of tourists there too and because you can’t actually go in the temple, there isn’t lots to do once you’ve seen it. Canggu was lovely but slow paced, just something to be aware of.
We thought Canggu was touristy but Seminyak was another level. Traffic was terrible and the streets were overflowing with people and shops. However, the food here was very good, we went to a place called Shelter for lunch, had brunch at Coffee Cartel and went to Dough Darlings (twice) for the most amazing doughnuts. Seminyak beach is windy too but we did see some baby turtles being released so that was pretty cool. We only had 2 days in Seminyak but because it was so busy it almost felt too overwhelming to explore, we spent most of the time on our motorbike going from beach to restaurant and even though you see things, it all goes past pretty quickly. It’s definitely a part of the island I think I found a bit much but would’ve liked to experience when it was quieter.
Ubud was far more chilled, a good mix of tourists and local culture, it felt like we were experiencing Bali again rather than a western beach town. The Monkey Forest is obviously touristy but a must do, likewise with the nearby waterfalls. The two we went to were very busy and I think if we hadn’t been to Munduk I would’ve been disappointed. The Tirta Emple water temple we went to where we bathed in the fresh spring water and the Tegalalang rice terraces were definitely both worth it despite being busy. We also did a bike tour with a company called Bali Breeze and a cooking class with Paon. Both were great and a chance to learn a bit more by chatting to locals and do something a bit different, the bike tour was downhill (ideal) and the food we made in the class was amazing.
Wandering around Ubud was nice too, we had the most amazing chocolate coconut banana bread at Tukies and managed to get all our souvenir shopping done at the market. I also did some classes at the Yoga Barn while we were there which was really nice but safe to say I haven’t kept it up…yoga in my room in Bedford is not quite the same as in a windowed studio in the jungle with the most ‘zen’ instructor I’ve ever met.
We didn’t do the main Gili Islands but Nusa Lembongan, about an hours boat trip from Bali, was amazing. A beautiful island with a relaxed and beachy vibe, it was almost what I expected Canggu and Seminyak to be like and I wished we’d spent more than a night there. The beaches were beautiful and we went over to the Blue Lagoon on Nusa Cenida which was amazing. Definitely worth the slightly damp boat journey there and back. However, be warned that the ‘roads’ marked on google maps are more like rocky steep crumbling tracks that a motorbike probably can’t handle…we may have learnt that the hard way.
Our final (and potentially my favourite) destination in Bali was Uluwatu. The area is far from crowded with plenty of space between everything, beautiful scenery and a good mix of locals and visitors. There were some beautiful beaches including Bingin beach and Padang-Padang (which features in the Eat Pray Love film) but be warned that quite a few of the beaches in the area are only accessible at low tide. We stayed in a basic but lovely hostel called the Bingin Inn and ate at the Cashew Tree, Loft and Drifter, all of which I’d recommend. The Kecak fire dance at Uluwatu Temple made our final temple experience a bit different, something that is again worth doing, but be prepared for lots of other people.
A final thing I’d say about Bali is do your research, but realise you can’t do everything. There physically aren’t enough meals in the day to eat at every nice place on the island or enough nights to spend at every beautiful hotel you see (I guess you could stay longer but my finances definitely didn’t allow it). Perhaps because it is such a popular destination at the moment I found it so easy to compare my experience of the island to other people’s…yes, I went on the trip of a lifetime and I was still there wondering if I was doing it ‘well’ enough…comparison is very clearly something I need to work on. Travel is tricky, its something that should be for personal reasons (relaxation, quality time, recovery) and yet I find it something people want to share the most, whether that’s posting pictures online or recounting stories to friends for weeks to come (or writing a blog post about it). It’s definitely something I’m guilty of, but maybe guilty is the wrong word, is there actually anything wrong with wanting to share what you’re doing, to let people know you’re enjoying yourself? Indonesia was a long time coming after a very long year and if I’m being honest, I had a bloody great time.
I am nearing the end of University. After Easter there is just 4 days, 3 projects, 2 essays and 1 exam to go and so of course I am being asked the inevitable ‘what are your plans for after uni?’.
The truth is I have an idea of what I’d like to do, but I think a large majority of our generation feel as though they’re being pulled in different directions in an attempt to achieve success. There are job ‘opportunities’ flying at us, careers fairs, grad schemes, application deadlines. Equally there is the pull to take some time, to have a break and use the opportunity to actually enjoy unemployment. On the other hand, as much as I long for and love freedom, I also feel ready to settle somewhere, I want a flat to decorate and a local area and some kind of routine but obviously, in order to do that I need money, lots of it. So that brings us back to the job dilemma.
I’d like a job (obviously), but doing exactly what I don’t know. It would probably be something media related, but so far none of the work experience I’ve done has ignited a passion in me and made me want to do it for the rest of my life. The jobs I do want are ones that are incredibly competitive, and I don’t know if I’m confident enough in my ability to push for the presenter roles, the writing opportunities. I’m aware you usually need to work your way up, hence why I’m hesitant to start climbing the career ladder before I’m certain of what I want to be at the top, or whether I’m ready to start working towards it. That being said, you have to start somewhere, but I’m not sure I want to start digging my roots somewhere in case it suddenly becomes too hard to leave.
The desire to travel is one I know so many of us experience, we are aware of the unique opportunity we have; Time. As much as there is a pressure for us to get a job, there is perhaps an equal one for us to take advantage of our youth. The chance to take time for ourselves, to achieve things outside of a job and explore the world is one that we are unlikely to get again. There are plans I made when I was younger, places I’ve seen pictures of and stories I’ve heard so I almost feel like I owe it to myself to experience these things. The insight social media gives us into other peoples lives probably doesn’t help, we look at what our friends are spending their time doing and compare it to how we are spending ours. Even though we know it’s a specially curated highlight reel, sometimes other people’s highlights still look better than our own. It also expands our horizons, which isn’t a bad thing but can almost make us feel like we have more to do, more of life to be living. We can look at pictures of cities, beaches and cafes and instantly add them to our ever growing bucket lists.
So, with all that in mind, I am trying to remember to run my own race, to measure my success against myself. There is no point looking at the person in the next lane, how well they’re doing in their life makes no difference to how well I’m doing in mine. I want to see other people succeeding and use it as motivation to achieve my own goals, whatever they are. I’m trying to find the balance between working hard and doing what makes me happy because hopefully, eventually, the two will go together. In the mean time, you’ll find me doing my best and trying not to have a premature quarter life crisis. I’ll keep you posted.
I don’t get a reading week at uni, but last week I took one. My family and I went to visit my cousin in Copenhagen as a surprise for her 21st birthday.
We arrived when the weather was at its finest which meant drinks in the sun rather than avoiding bitter winds. As a city, it reminded me of Amsterdam but perhaps slightly less ‘aesthetic’ with mixed architecture around the canals. The sun though, as it always does, made everything look beautiful. The 3 days were full of good food, family, exploring and danish pastries. Just a warning though, save your money before you go, its not a cheap city.
On our first day we had breakfast in a small courtyard café which focuses on Danish traditions, from the food the crockery. All the furniture in the café is for sale, so it doubles as a showroom which meant I felt bad for spilling the tiniest crumb. We spent the morning there just making plans and catching up.
We wandered around the Pleasure Palace garden’s (what a name) before stopping at another café. You may notice that this trip did focus around eating and drinking, I have no excuse. We moved on to the Christianshavn area and went into the Church of Our Saviour, its a simple but beautiful interior, home to 40 elephant figurines (we only counted 7 though). The tower above is 400 steps but definitely worth the climb, it gives you a great view of the city and helps to justify all those pastries.
The next day started with a boat tour, definitely something worth doing to see the city and learn more about it. We spent the afternoon in a slightly unusual way for a February day and went to La Banchina for a dip in the sea before rushing up to a little wooden sauna overlooking the water. Freezing, but it felt very danish. We had dinner at a lovely little restaurant called Basso which served amazing sharing plates from salmon to parmesan carrots to steak. Bistro Royal and The Studio were some other great restaurants from the trip.
On our last morning we had breakfast at the glass markets, some beautiful buildings in Norreport full of food stalls, coffee shops and of course more pastries. I would have loved more time to wander around and explore but sadly we had a plane to catch.
Copenhagen was beautiful, I could’ve done with a couple more days to explore but I guess I’ll just have to go back…